Families come in all shapes and sizes—some are connected by blood, others by love, friendship, or shared experiences. No matter what your family looks like, one thing remains true: a funeral is more than just a ceremony; it’s a chance to celebrate a life, honor meaningful relationships, and create a lasting tribute. Funeral-planning-for-non-traditional-families ensures that the right people are involved in this important moment. By taking a few simple steps now, you can make sure your farewell reflects your values, your connections, and the life you lived—surrounded by the people who truly know and love you.
Selecting a Beneficiary
A beneficiary is the person who will receive any financial assets, life insurance proceeds, or payable-on-death accounts after you pass away. If you’re not married or don’t want your next of kin to receive these assets, you need to officially name your beneficiary on all relevant accounts.
Without a named beneficiary, these assets typically default to a legal spouse or closest blood relative—even if that’s not who you would have chosen. To prevent this, make sure you update your:
- Life insurance policy
- Bank accounts (by setting up a payable-on-death designation)
- Retirement accounts
- Any other relevant financial accounts
If you want a friend, partner, or chosen family member to handle your funeral expenses, you can name them as a beneficiary and leave instructions in your will or a separate funeral plan. It’s important to remember that beneficiary designations must be updated if the chosen beneficiary passes away. It’s a good idea to designate a secondary beneficiary that will take over in this event. Keeping these records up-to-date ensures a chosen party will handle your arrangements and avoids any prolonged legal requirements.
Who Will Make Funeral Arrangements?
The person responsible for planning your funeral isn’t necessarily the one who inherits your estate. In most states, legal authority to make funeral decisions follows this order:
- A person you legally designate (via a funeral agent form or advance directive)
- Legal spouse
- Adult children
- Parents
- Siblings
- Other next of kin
If you want someone specific—such as a longtime partner, best friend, or chosen family member—to make these decisions, you may need to legally appoint them using a document like a funeral agent designation or a power of attorney for disposition of remains (laws vary by state).
When Someone Other Than a Family Member Will Make the Decisions
There are many reasons someone outside your legal family might handle your funeral:
- You’re estranged from your biological relatives
- You have no living relatives
- You have a long-term partner but aren’t legally married
- You have a close friend or chosen family member who understands your wishes better than next of kin
- You prefer a specific cultural or religious approach that your legal relatives might not follow
To make this happen, you’ll need legally binding documentation. A will alone may not be enough, as funeral homes often require immediate decision-making. Instead, consider:
- Appointing a funeral agent (available in some states)
- Creating an advance directive with clear funeral instructions
- Writing a prepaid funeral contract with a funeral home
- Discussing your wishes with your chosen decision-maker and giving them copies of relevant documents
Pre-planning your funeral is one of the best ways to ensure your wishes are honored while reducing stress for your loved ones. Without clear instructions, funeral decisions can become complicated—especially if your next of kin doesn’t align with your chosen family or personal preferences.
Pre-planning ensures your wishes are followed. When you pre-plan, you get to make key decisions in advance, such as:
- Whether you want to be buried or cremated
- The type of ceremony (or no ceremony at all)
- Specific requests, such as music, readings, or cultural traditions
By documenting these choices and sharing them with your chosen decision-maker, you reduce the risk of family disputes or unwanted changes. By pre-arranging your funeral through a prepaid funeral contract and legally appointing a funeral agent, you ensure the right person is in charge.
Pre-planning also reduces financial and emotional stress on your loved ones. Funerals can be expensive, and financial burdens often fall on the person making arrangements. If you do not share finances with the person you have designated to handle arrangements, pre-planning is a way to avoid placing a financial burden on them. Pre-planning allows you to pre-pay for your chosen funeral services. This also locks in the cost of services and protects against inflation.
One of the biggest benefits of pre-planning is the peace of mind it brings. Knowing your funeral is taken care of allows you to focus on living your life without worrying about what will happen later. It also reassures your chosen family that they won’t have to navigate complicated legal or financial hurdles while grieving.
Funeral planning isn’t just about logistics—it’s about making sure your legacy is honored by the people who truly know and love you. Whether your family is traditional or chosen, taking a few legal steps now can give you peace of mind that your wishes will be followed. If this feels overwhelming, consider reaching out to a local funeral director or preneed counselor and speaking with them about how best to prepare. A little planning today can save your loved ones from stress and uncertainty in the future. Funeral-planning-for-non-traditional-families ensures that every family, no matter its structure, can create a meaningful and respectful farewell.
